Women's News and Views on Life, Love and Leisure in the Real World
Joke Collection #2
Our Regular
Features:
The gURLz Gazette Joke Collection
Issue 2, Vol 1, September 2001.
Here are some jokes that we have collected. We have no idea who originally wrote any of these, as they all get passed around the internet so much...
But, I guess that's what good jokes are for, right?
We hope you like them too! ~ The gURLz ~
Some Of Our Favourite One Liners!
Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most!
The trouble with learning anything from your mistakes is
having to MAKE THEM before you learn anything!
Take my advice, I'm not using it!
(Contributed by Robin L.)
LOOK FOR THE LABEL!
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were
two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."
(Contributed by Robin L.)
Q: WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF MIXED EMOTIONS?
A: When your mother-in-law drives your brand new Porsche off a cliff.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR SPANIARDS STANDING IN A QUICKSAND?
A: Quatro Sinko.
Q: What do you call an expert of fossils, who can determine which bones had belonged to female T-Rex's who had raised offspring?
A: A Dino-cologist... (groan)
A Woman's Random Thoughts...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free.......You either married it or gave birth to it.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him..
